Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize