yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
