so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am puke
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
