She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
