I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry about my life...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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