New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
