God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You work out of a Hotel?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize