i can't believe i had my finger in that
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
