I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize