Moan for me like Helen Keller
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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