my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
