i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nutella sex= disaster
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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