I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
