if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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