Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need moral support for this bender
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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