hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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