I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
