I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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