and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
