we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
