Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
