so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
