youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize