He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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