don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
