when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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