He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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