i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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