its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
