I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
