This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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