census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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