i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
