Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
