kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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