Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
