Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
