i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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