I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
