apparently the secret to your success is patron
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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