Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
