I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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