I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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