saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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