Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize