The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
