i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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