Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
