No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
