I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
