1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
