I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
