Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
