how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
