I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
