last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
