maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
