I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
