I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize