I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
