VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
