Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
