Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
