But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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