Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
