My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
