I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
