Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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