The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
