Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
