youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
