this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
