it was like his penis was on wheels.
Welp...herpes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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