I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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