You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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