I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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