I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
