dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
