All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize