I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
