I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
