Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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