My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actions speak louder than pants.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
