I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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