the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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