Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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