He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
