i don't like sucking hair
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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