im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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