im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
