READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
