I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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