My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
