6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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